Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
he puts the penis in happiness.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Randomize
