I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
