nut hugger
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
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