once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Randomize
