Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
how drunk are you?
Several
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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