You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
