I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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