I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
