the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
