I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
