honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Randomize
