Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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