just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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