Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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