You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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