as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I can't turn off my feet"
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
