No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
either way he was missing a nipple.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
OPIZZABONMYDICK
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
