its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
