Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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