my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
