it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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