I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Randomize
