maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
