Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
