I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
...so i touched it.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
