Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Randomize
