Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Randomize
