he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I love having hate sex.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
