I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
