my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
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