The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I yelled at your uterus for you.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
