once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
