ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
MIDGETS
????
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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