can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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