its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
