Buhtt sex?
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
