He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
