I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
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