Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
