If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize
