dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
I have post one night stand depression
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
