I hope mine doesn't look like that
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
