Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
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