btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
