I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Randomize
