we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
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