This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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