Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I booty called her while she was in labor.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
