nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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