Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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