What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
