Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
